It’s time for me

Today is a day I will never forget. I haven’t slept in nearly a week. Okay, so I have slept but it has taken me hours to fall asleep because of anxiety about today. It was hard. It was scary. It was the first big step I have taken to heal myself. I went to therapy.

I decided to go to The Emily Program. It’s a FABULOUS and comprehensive eating disorders clinic. I decided that it was very important to me that I go somewhere that could not only help me with my childhood but also help me fix the coping mechanisms I have used all my life to survive. I’m lucky they have therapists that specialize in childhood trauma. If you haven’t read my story you will see what led me there. I went through all the assessments, all the questionnaires. It was kinda nerve-wracking. I am a restricter and a binger. Fabulous. They set me up with Vanessa and today was the day I met her. I love her because within the first few minutes she dropped an f-bomb. I’m not a sailor or anything, but when talking about the trauma of my childhood, I think I’m allowed a few expletives.

So, all the anxiety and it went really well. So well I actually wanted to stay longer. I had a lot more to say to her. We said our good-byes till next week and while I’m nervous where this is all going to take me, I’m so excited to be taking my life back. I’m almost 30. It’s time for it to be about me. (Okay…um…I’m supposed to believe that but it is SO hard to write…it just seems incredibly selfish….). No, really, it’s time for me..and for the first time in my life, I don’t want to be hushed.

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